Too Full of a Plate

Sorry for such an incredibly late March diary post. As the name of this entry implies, I’ve had a lot going on. In the last couple months’ diary entries, I’ve expressed how overwhelmed I’ve been. And I’ve shared changes I was going to make to help. What I haven’t done is taken a step back from anything on my plate. Instead, I attempted to curate the perfect schedule to do all the things while taking a break now and then.

I have always been a planner. Having a routine in place makes me feel safe, secure, and like I have a grasp on the things in my life. I’m also an artist. Creative work almost never goes according to plan. In my effort to schedule in everything and plan in rest, as I did last month, I forgot there are moments when inspiration hits without warning. I forgot about the excitement I would get from waking up and saying, “I want to make something today,” rather than “I have to make something today so I have something to post tomorrow.” That’s problem one.

Problem two has been me not making time for my own art. I’ve been doing a lot for other people, both art and non-art related. I’ve been putting pretty much all of my energy into helping others grow. This isn’t a horrible thing. It feels awesome to be able to show up for family and friends in a way I’ve always wanted to. But I’m doing so much for others that I’m burnt out and unmotivated to do much of anything for myself creatively.

Both of these problems let me know I needed a change. In the last couple weeks, I’ve taken a step back from some previous responsibilities. Thankfully, I have understanding people in my life.

The biggest change, though, is that I zoomed out of my hyper focus on social media. It's so easy to get caught up in, “If I want to make it, I got to get the followers.” Being follower focused is a lot of work considering leaning into the need for validation from others about my art does not inspire me to be creative.

I was great with Instagram stories and tweets, but even that was me sharing the work of other people. Even if the content was gaining me followers, those new folks weren’t really seeing me and what I create with my hands and mind. When I set out to conquer the social media game, I told myself that I would curate and promote other artists/writers for my stories and dedicate my feed to solely my art. How much work it was to curate content from the work of others led to me barely posting anything on my feed, and especially not on a consistent basis. I began prioritizing the wrong things.

The last couple of weeks I allowed myself to freely create. I took audience building out of the equation. The result, I’ve been drawing and enjoying it. Poof. Suddenly I was able to schedule posts on my feed for the next 5 days. It’s been awesome sharing with other artist friends what I've been working on and building community that way. Plus, I recorded a bunch of little videos that I can share at some point. I did these things because I wanted to and I was in the moment. I recorded them because I like recording things and making videos. Ultimately, I want to share my art journey. I think I just need to focus on the right part of sharing. Rather than creating and then posting for followers, I want to create and post what I like to see. I love watching videos of artists drawing or coloring, and just generally creating. Why wouldn't I make some myself? That way I can build community with those people who share the same interests rather than creating things I think the algorithm will like and in turn put me on as many screens as possible. Maybe then I’ll stop thinking social media is going to be the thing that makes me pop off.

I took a step back last weekend and realized that none of the opportunities I’ve had so far in my art career have come from social media. They’ve come from me making a thing and presenting it, scouring artist calls on opportunity websites, subscribing to email newsletters, people reaching out after hearing about me at events… They’ve come from me choosing specific art opportunities and reaching out to people, not from a hashtag on my post that someone else follows. Don’t get me wrong, social media really does work for some people and they can balance posting content and creating. I, however, am not one of those people. I follow really dope artists over on Instagram, but I haven’t reached out to as many as I’d like for fear of sounding like a fan or sounding like I want something from them. I’d like to lean more into that, make connections, collaborate, or just tell people how fantastic I think their work is. Here we go, diving into my March plan of getting myself together. January and February’s plans were all right, but here’s hoping this one is it. If not, that’s okay. I’m an ever-evolving artist.

Thanks for Reading Lovelies,

Kadazia Allen-Perry