With Hands Like Those
When I graduated from college back in 2017 I was scared out of my mind. With school comes built-in peer interaction, oodles of resources, and motivation by way of assignment due dates. After I walked the stage, it was time to put up or shut up. Was I just into the arts because it was a fun thing to do in school and I had surrounded myself by creative peers? Or did I have enough creative drive and passion to be self-motivated and find a way to support myself using my artistic abilities?
I did well for a while. I experimented with a bunch of new mediums, responded to artist calls, and had my work accepted… I even applied and got accepted into a graduate MFA program for filmmaking. As time went on though, I couldn’t ignore that I was really sick. It would be unfair to say I lost my motivation. Really, it was that I lost the energy. It was during that time when I learned how much my body craved to create.
After having my double lung transplant, a little over a year ago now, I hopped right back into the art grind and quickly attempted to do all the things. As I mentioned in past diary entries, I both burnt out really fast and started losing track of what my motivation was. Was I creating solely for the purpose of having something to post on Instagram in an attempt to build a following? Was I racing against some self-imposed clock in fear of my health taking another turn for the worst?
Then came the #100DayProject. I embarked on this journey for four reasons:
1. I love art challenges.
2. I’d have something to post on Instagram every day for 100 days straight.
3. I wanted to solidify my artistic style.
4. I wanted to get become more confident in my watercolor painting abilities.
In that order.
For all of my talk about decentering building a social media following leading up to the challenge, I can’t deny that it was a big motivating factor in the beginning. Going through the project has shown me a lot though. There were so many times I wanted to quit. Honestly, I think I wanted to quit at least once a week when it was time to start the next batch of characters. I almost convinced myself that I should quit because I wasn’t seeing much growth in likes or followers anyway. But then I would finish that batch of characters and feel so proud of them that I had to post them so others could share in the excitement! And even when they weren’t excited, I still was!
Over time I remembered that these weren’t just some #OCs (original characters) for Instagram. They were characters for a stop motion series I’d been thinking about since back in 2017, after graduating and realizing that creating WAS what I was meant to do. Even more importantly though, following through on this project re-instilled confidence in my artistic ability that I’d been afraid to admit I’d lost.
One of the negative impacts of my transplant I’ve had to deal with over the past year has been my new and constant hand tremors. I haven’t shared this with many people because every time I think about it, I remember how I used to be able to count on these hands, my hands. And when I remember that, I start to wonder if breathing was worth it.
I used a traditional dip pen and ink to line my characters and place illustrations. This takes a certain level of steadiness to get the lines as clean as I try to. I’d be so careful lining each of them after they’d been painted. Often though, my hand would get extra shaky as I tried to complete a line, leaving an unintentional ink tail at the end of an otherwise mostly straight line. In those moment’s I’d get frustrated with myself because this shouldn’t be happening! It didn’t use to happen! But I kept going. I kept drawing. I kept painting. I kept carefully lining my illustrations. All while my hands kept shaking. And I did it. I did it because my shaky hands are still my hands. And my hands NEED to create. Because no hands can create like mine.
So, here I and my shaking hands are, wrapping up these 100 days and itching to start on what’s next. What is next, you ask? Next is opening my online shop, Done By Dazia. For its launch, I’ll be selling handmade sketchbooks! Constructed, start to finish, by the shaky hands of yours truly! I’ve been working on these since last October and I’m PUMPED to share them with y’all.
To follow my journey more closely, see behind the scenes of my creative business, and receive exclusive discounts for the Done By Dazia shop, consider pledging as little as $1/month to me on Patreon. I’ve designed my Patreon for Patrons to be regularly updated with everything having to do with my creative practice and business. Videos of my processes, lists of the supplies I use, week-in-reviews, book recommendations, and everything in between. And all that I just listed are just what you receive by pledging just $1/month! As the tiers get higher you can then expect monthly gifts like lock screen art, illustrated postcards, and sticker sheets! My patrons get an in-depth look into my life and practice and I’d love to share those moments with you as well.
To check out what all my Patreon has to offer, visit:
www.patreon.com/KadaziaSparkles
Hope to see you there, but if not… Till next time!
Thanks for Reading Lovelies,
Kadazia Allen-Perry
